Growing Up

Grown Up, adjective: 1. having reached the age of maturity.
                                 2. characteristic of or suitable for adults.

     When I was a little girl all I could think about was when I would be big enough. Big enough to ride a bike. Big enough to go to a sleep over. When I was a teenager all I could think about was when I would be old enough. To watch a PG 13 movie, which by the way did not occur until I was at least 16. Old enough to drive. To be allowed to stay out late. To finally be able to leave this small town behind and do something normal for once like go away to college. When I was in college all I wanted was to know when I would get some answers. The answer to what was my major going to be. What was I going to do with my life. When would I finally find the right guy.

     Now I'm a college graduate. All I want to know is when will I be a grown up. I've gone through all the right steps. I was a good kid, I listened to my parents in high school, and seriously who does that, I was a good student in college, I have always been responsible and well mannered. But does all of that really add up to grown up status. For most of the things I've looked forward to in my life there are definite points I can say, well that goal was accomplished. The concept of being a grown up just seems to elusive. I keep waiting for that Aha moment when I will just know this is it but so far no luck with that approach. It is not easy being in an in-between state. That step, from our sheltered world of taking orders and having our lives directed to suddenly being the one behind the wheel with no wing man, can feel like a leap. And some days I just feel like I'm falling.